My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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