i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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