can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize