I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
