she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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