its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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