this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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