its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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