I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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