giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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