we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
