she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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