I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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