Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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