Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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