Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
