she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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