I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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