Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
