i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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