if you like me you must not know who I am
Sponge bath it is.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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