Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
