he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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