Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize