Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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