I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
