all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
