he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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