I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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