i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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