I'm eating all of the evidence.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
