You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
