the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
