I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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