Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize