You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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