You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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