Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
