if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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