found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
