Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
