just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize