I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
