So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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