they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
