I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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