ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
