I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
