My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
