the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
