operation harelip BJ is a go
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
