hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
