thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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