Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
