have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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