dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
