OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
