I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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