she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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