He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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