Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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