fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
