If i come over, it means nothing
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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