boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
