so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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